May 24, 2015

Ephesians 6:1-4

Title: PARENTING WITH A PURPOSE

Passage: EPHESIANS 6:1-4

In this last year, nearly eight million people in this country took a giant step in their lives - they brought a baby into the world. They became parents! But how many of those eight million people were prepared for parenthood is a different matter.

Like the husband who was in charge of his baby while his wife ran some errands. When the mom returned she couldn’t believe the atrocious odor. She inspected the child’s diaper - it was filled to the brim. She moaned, "Honey, why didn't you change the diaper?” The new dad held up the box of disposable Huggies, and pointed to the print on the package, "Well, it says right here, 'Good for up to ten pounds!’" Not all parents are prepared for parenthood.

Entering the hospital to birth a baby is a thrilling new deal, but bringing that baby home from the hospital can be a chilling ordeal. All kinds of self-doubts arise in your mind… Am I ready for the responsibility? Am I prepared to tackle the challenges? Do I have the wisdom and know-how to be a good parent

Here’s the good news… God hasn’t left us in the dark. We’re not on our own. God is the perfect Father. He’s the one parent who knows what He’s doing - and He’s given us insights to make our parenting effective.

The first 4 verses of Ephesians 6 contain Paul's principles for parenting. Verses 1-3 set out the purpose of a parent. Verse 4 addresses the do’s and don'ts... Let’s read our text. 

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Verse 1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” Then to parents, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

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In verse 1, Paul gives two commands to children. They’re to obey and honor their parents. Then he provides two reasons for these two commandments…

First, obedience makes sense! "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." It’s just the right thing to do. Generally speaking, parents are wiser than their kids. A parent has been around the block a time or two. They know stuff kids don’t. Why should a kid learn the hard way? Obeying your parents just makes sense.

And the second reason for a child to obey is that it carries a promise! Paul writes in verse 1, "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

If a child obeys and honors his parents, he’ll probably live longer and better…. God is the only person who loves a child more than his parents. Thus, a child will minimize the dangers in life, and maximize its enjoyments - just by listening to their mom and dad.

Proverbs 30:17 should be a parent’s favorite verse, especially when their kids become teenagers. “The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it." What a great verse for a teen!

When your kid bucks and rebels - warn them to stay inside. “If you don’t obey, birds will knock you down, and start picking out your eyeballs! I warned you!”

Every time a bird flies over the head of a rebellious teenager without swooping down on top of the kid, and pecking at their eye sockets, God is showing mercy!

Of course, I’m being a little facetious. But the correct interpretation of the proverb makes the same point… A rebellious child will make costly mistakes and alienate people, so that when he dies no one will care enough about him to give him a decent burial. In ancient times, he’d just be left as food for the vultures. But the point of the interpretation is the same - you live longer and better when you obey your parents.

There’s one other reason kids should obey their parents. We learn to obey and honor God by first obeying and honoring our parents. It’s a picture! God uses our relationship with our parents to deepen our relationship with Him. How can a person submit to God - an authority they can't see - if they’re unable to submit to the authority they can see… their parents? Loads of people have a hard time obeying God because they never learned obedience to their parents.

I view my children’s obedience to me not as an end in itself. I’m not a power-hungry parent on an ego trip. I’ve never bullied my kids just so I could feel like I was in control. I love my kids - with all my heart - and I saw their obedience and respect toward me as the first step toward them learning how to relate to God.

On the surface, Ephesians 6:1-3 are instructions addressed to children not parents, but I take these verses to also communicate a parent’s purpose. And this is foundational… The purpose of a parent is to teach their children obedience and respect!

Understand obedience and respect for one's parents are not traits that come naturally. Obedience and respect have to be taught, instilled, and insisted upon.

Thus, the obligation God places upon children becomes the purpose of their parents. Again, the job of a parent is to teach their kids obedience and respect!

Feeding, clothing, protecting, educating, and entertaining your child are all part of parenthood - but if you're not teaching a child obedience and respect you're not doing the job! A parent's primary purpose - is not to win their kid's friendship, or make the kid happy, it’s to teach their children obedience and respect. And that’s true when the child is 15 months or 15 years. God puts no statue of limitations on His command. Obedience and respect are lifelong traits.

It’s impossible to be the parent God desires you to be until you realize a basic truth… your kids are little sinners. They're born rebels. You don't teach a baby to cry when it doesn't get its way. I have four kids - and laboratory findings reveal - selfishness is a natural trait. Recently I ran across an instructive document entitled, “Property Law from a Toddler’s Perspective.”

Law #1, “If I like it, it’s mine. 

Law #2, If I can take it away from you, it’s mine. 

Law #3, If I had it a while ago, it’s mine. 

Law #4, If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.

Law #5, If it looks like mine, it’s mine. 

Law #6, If I say I saw it first, it’s mine. 

Law #7, If you’re having fun with it, it’s mine. 

Law #8, If you lay it down, it’s mine.

And lastly, Law #9, If it’s broken, it’s yours.”

When kids are born they have no respect for other people, nor are they willing to obey standards that limit their behavior. Children are greedy, selfish, and totally preoccupied with three people… me, myself, and I.

Granted, it may not be obvious at first… A newborn appears so cute, precious, innocent, but deep down your baby is a diabolical sinner - dressed incognito! Parents, your children are sinful little buzzards.

Understand parents, your child resembles two people - and I’m not talking about their mom and dad. The Bible teaches that humans are made in God’s image. Psalm 139 declares that we’re “fearfully and wonderfully made.” We bear God’s stamp on our lives. But we also resemble another person, and that’s the first man, Adam. He too was made in God’s image, but something went wrong! Sin marred that image. Adam’s rebellion was passed to the Adam’s family. Humans are now born into sin. We’re rebels from the womb. One bad apple did spoil the whole bunch.

This is why your child resembles two people, and to effectively parent you have to keep both in view! Help your child identify his God-given traits, and talents, and personality. Rejoice in the characteristics  and creativity with which he or she has been blessed. But at the same time realize there’s always a rebellion bubbling under the surface. It could explode at any moment. Every child needs parents in his or her life who will insist on their obedience and their respect.

Sadly, left on by his lonesome your child will disobey and go his own way. If he or she is going to learn to obey and respect, it’s up to his parents to teach them! And how in the world is this done?

Well in verse 4, Paul gives us some do's and don’ts.

Let's read it again, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." We get one don't and two dos. Training and admonishing are the dos - and the don't is do not provoke. And notice, it’s the don’t that comes first. If you provoke a child, it doesn’t matter what you do to train and admonish, they won’t listen.

The word “provoke” means “to anger or frustrate.” Other versions render it… don’t “embitter,” “irritate,” “exasperate,” “nag,” “vex.” To provoke a child is t needlessly irritate - and the key word is “needlessly.”

I once polled my kids, "What does your mom and dad do that irritate you most?" Their answers, "Spank us - deprive us of Coca-cola when we want it - make us go to bed too early." But these are the necessary irritations I hope by now they’ve come to appreciate. This question is… how do we needlessly needle our children? Kids are fragile - we should handle them with tender-loving care. You could say, “with kid gloves.” Let me run through a checklist you can use to determine if you’re guilty of provoking your child to wrath. Here are some parental mistakes to avoid…

The first way to provoke a child is with negative comments. In her comedy routine, Joan Rivers cracks the joke, “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” It’s sad when parents communicate to their child - either overtly or indirectly - that they’re not wanted. In God’s mind every child is loved and wanted. Psalm 127:3 tells us, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward…” It grieves me when I hear a parent refer to his or her child as an “accident.” There are no accidents in God’s plan. If you view your child as an accident - even if you never say it - they’ll pick up on it in your attitude.

Another way to provoke a child is with broken promises. A child hangs their hopes on a parent’s words. Make an idle promise you don't fulfill, and it may not be a big deal to you, but it can crush your child.

This was hammered home to me one day when I promised my 5 year old son, Mack, that we would go to the ballpark and hit some baseballs - but first, I needed to take care of a few issues at church. Well, as usual those few issues turned into six or seven hours.

When I finally got home my 5 year old was sitting on the porch with glove and bat in hand. And we had a wonderful time at the ballpark, just as I had promised. But later, Kathy told me that Mack had been sitting on that front porch all day long. He’d been waiting on me for six hours. He’d been fixated on my promise.

To a young child, a parent’s words are power. He or she has total confidence in what we tell them. Don’t disillusion or disappoint your child by making a promise you don’t keep. They won’t understand our excuses. In fact, how will our kids receive instruction from our mouth, if they can't believe the promise that comes from that same mouth. Parents, be deliberate with what you promise - and determined to follow through!

The third way to provoke a child is with deaf ears.

Proverbs 20:5 tells us, "Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” All kinds of thoughts are swimming around in the mind of your child. How often do we fail to really sit down and make an effort to listen to our children?

When Zach was 3 or 4 years-old he spent the night with his grandpa. They were playing cowboys. The toy guns were blazing. People were dropping like flies. Every time Zach got shot he'd fall to the ground. His granddaddy would race over to the wounded cowboy, open his shirt, make an incision, cut out the bullet, sew him back up… then they'd start playing again. During the shootout, grandma walked by. When Zach hit the deck, she jumped in on the action. She opened his shirt, cut out the bullet, sewed him up - but rather than popping back up, Zach just laid motionless on the floor. Finally, he groaned, “But Grandma, there's one problem… They shot me in the leg.” Lots of parents approach their kids with all kinds of solutions without first listening for the real problem.

A college president once explained his success with young people, “Grow antennae, not horns.” Or be a good listener. And this is great advice for a parent. Often a behavior we’d like to gore is really a cry for help. Have your antennae up. Be sensitive to your kids.

The fourth way to pointlessly pester a child is to play favorites. The classic biblical example was Joseph, He was his father Jacob’s favorite, and had a plaid jacket as proof. But his brothers got jealous, and took it out on Joseph. They feigned his death and sold him as a slave. Joseph was the victim of a parent's favoritism.

I have three sons and one daughter, and for some reason my wife always thought I was tougher on my grimy, gritty, sweaty, gnarly, nappy rough-necked boys, than I was on my sweet, precious, adorable, can-do-no-wrong princess. I didn't see it, but to humor Kathy, I tried to guard against any fatherly favoritism. Seriously, you may have a child whose interests and personality draw you to them - you should work hard to make sure you don't favor them over your other kids.

Still another way to provoke a child is to force him or her to be something their not. Children aren’t born a blank slate. Genetics predetermine a host of traits. This is why two kids born to the same parents, living in the same home, can turn out wildly differently. And this is why cookie cutter approaches to parenting don’t work. Our training needs to be tailored to the child.

This is what Proverbs 22:6 is about, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” We emphasize the word “way,” as if there’s a single way to parent. But the Hebrew stresses “he” - “Train up a child in the way he should go…”

In short, tailor your training to the individual. A wise parent taps into the talents and interests God hard-wires into your child… If she’s an artist don't force her to be an athlete. If he's a musician don't make him a mechanic. Try to rewire… and you might blow a fuse!

Another way to provoke your child is with unrealistic expectations. Parent’s can expect too much and set their child up for failure - or they can set the bar too low and never challenge a child to overcome life’s obstacles. There needs to be a proper balance.

Today there’re triathlons for 7 year-olds, and summer camps that teach kids about stocks, bonds, and mutual funds… Kids no longer have time to just be kids. Jesus’ words to the Pharisees can apply parents, “They bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders.” They’re pushing too hard too fast.

Yet some parents don’t expect enough. Not all kids are self-motivated. They need an gentle nudge. When faced with obstacles it is our human tendency to opt for the path of least resistance. Kids especially are quick to settle for less than their best. Some mountains need to be climbed. A parent needs to know when to prod their kids, and when to pull back.

Another way to hinder a child is to be overly critical.

It’s easy for a parent to lose perspective. We look at the report card and focus on the one C, rather than the five As. Parents, do your kids see you as impossible to please? If so, you’re provoking them to wrath.

A child craves their parent’s approval. They thirst for it emotionally. They need it like water. Let’s not create an environment so stringent and demanding that it’s impossible for a child to receive that parent’s approval.

Still another way to provoke your kids is with neglect. Never forget kids spell love, “T-I-M-E." Child psychologist, Kevin Leman, says the phrase “quality time” is a misnomer. Kids don’t see time in terms of quality, but quantity. He writes, “Give them all the time you can and the quality will take care of itself.” Some parents act like their child comes with a pause button - they can push pause on their his or hers development while they go off and do their own thing. They’re under the illusion the opportunities will still be there when they get ready. Wow, are they in for a rude awakening! Parent, by the time you’re ready, your kid may no longer care… Spend time with them now!

And while I’m on the subject of parental neglect, let me mention another form of neglect I think is especially lethal - and that’s the spiritual neglect of a child. I know parents who have their kids in all types of extracurricular activities, but leave out church! They neglect their children’s spiritual training. It’s a mistake.

As long as my kids lived under my roof, and were bankrolled by me, they were expected to be at church. I know parents of middle schoolers who leave their kids home because they don’t want to attend church. What if those kids said they didn’t want to attend school on Monday morning? No good parent agrees to that. They’ll insist the kids go and learn to like it!

With four kids we did it all - soccer, baseball, football, cheerleading, basketball, dance, baton, softball, roller hockey - you name it, and our family did it! And we saw great value in our kid’s participation, to a point... But we also realized, you can invest thousands of hours sharpening your kid’s batting skills - or making sure he can dribble a soccer ball - or she can do a back handspring - yet when they reach adulthood their athletic skills won’t be nearly as important as the strength of their faith, and their knowledge of God.

It’s crucial, that with everything else you do with your kids, bring them to church. As a family grow in Christ, learn God’s Word, apply it to your life. Make your child’s spiritual training a priority for them and for you.

Another way to provoke a child to anger is to set a double standard. Kids have a sixth-sense - a baloney meter. They can detect hypocrisy and duplicity a mile away. And they get seriously turned off when a parent doesn’t practice what he or she preaches.

Parent, if you want credibility with your kid - if you want their respect - then be worthy of their respect. You can tell your kids to stay off drugs until you're blue in the face, but if you abuse alcohol they'll want to know the difference?… Don't ground your kid for cheating on a test, if you've got a radar detector mounted on your dash… Don’t set a double standard.

If you want your kid to listen to what you have to say then be honest and genuine. Don't expect your kids to embrace values to which you only pay lip service. And don’t be overprotective. Here too is a mistake a parent can make. It’s true, our world is full of danger, both physical and spiritual. But it’s the world our children have to live in. Thus, even as we’re protecting our kids from it, we need to let them brush up against it from time to time to see what they’re up against.

Parents, this is where your faith kicks in. A parent’s role is to slowly let go of their child. It starts when you cut the umbilical cord. You loosen the reins, and give your child some slack, then you tighten up again if they’re not ready. You loosen, then you retighten - this goes on and on until you turn loose for the last time.

Actually, I don’t like the term “turn loose” - I didn’t “turn loose” of my kids I “turned them over” to God. A parent’s goal should be to work themselves out of job.

And the final way to frustrate your kids is the failure to discipline. Let your kids walk all over you - or brush you off - or ignore your rules… or if you cave in to their manipulations and threats - you’re provoking them. It’s said, "Kids will forgive you for your mistakes, but your weakness will send them elsewhere for strength."

I’ll never forget the night I put the kids to bed. Nick was three years old. I’d just gotten comfortable in the recliner when he comes parading through the room. I said, “Son, what are you doing out of bed?” He turned, and look at me with a defiant look on his face. Then he said, “Dad, mind your own business.” Hey, I proceeded to show him exactly what my business was!

At times a parent’s place is in his kid’s face. It’s our business to discipline our kids. Children will respect their parents if they calmly, but firmly, stand up to them. But if you cave in to a child’s demands because you're afraid of a fight - you make a huge mistake.

Pediatrician John Rosemond writes, “A child won’t develop the strength of character to say no to things like drugs, alcohol, and sex in the absence of parents who themselves don't have the strength to say no when the child whines for a new video game, or the latest in stereo hardware, or a new car.” Every child needs parents willing to put their foot down and say no!

Never forget the High Priest, Eli. 1 Samuel 3:13 tells us he was judged by God because “his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.” It’s a parent’s purpose to make their child mind. And though they might never admit it, I believe kids desire that discipline. Boundaries provide a child a sense of security. It lets them know their parents care.

Which leads us to Paul’s two do’s, “training and admonition.” Or you could say, "correction and direction,” “whipping and equipping.” Godly parenting is a proper blend of both discipline and encouragement.

Martin Luther put it this way, “Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true; but beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he has done well.” To be a good parent you need two tools… a rod and an apple.

Understand, Paul’s term, “training” means "to learn through discipline.” Thus, the key to disciplining your child correctly is asking yourself, "Is the discipline I've chosen providing a learning opportunity for my child?" For children to grow into responsible adults they have to learn that their actions carry consequences. Thus, when a parent disciplines their child he or she allows the child to taste a healthy measure of those consequences… Here’s a three-fold approach…

First, give them a reason. Sit down with your kids and explain the reason behind the rule. Try to avoid the stock parental excuse, “Just because I told you so.” That’s often the way to cover-up your lame parenting. If a rule doesn’t have a good reason behind it, then it probably needs to be discarded.

Now, sometimes the only reason I could offer my kid for saying “no” was a caution or uneasiness from the Holy Spirit. Normally, the activity would’ve been okay, but if I didn’t have a peace from God about it… then my kids were taught that was the best reason of all! But whenever a parent says “no,” the child should be assured there’s a good reason behind the decision.

Yet let me warn you, parents, believe it or not, your reason might not satisfy your child’s curiosity. Kids aren’t alway interested in our logic. That’s why after you give them a reason, then give them some rope.

In other words, engineer a controlled crash. Lift the parental safety net just enough to let your kid taste a little of the unpleasant consequences of their actions.

If you tell them to put on their jacket, and they ignore you, then let them bear the cold for a half hour (it won’t kill them)… If they don't eat their dinner, send them to bed hungry (Missing one meal won’t starve them.)

Don’t make everything a fight… Give your kids some rope, and if they hang themselves, then so be it. Let them taste the natural outcome of their disobedience. You’ll be there to make sure the results aren’t lethal. Sometimes it takes a child experiencing the real-world by-product of disobeying the rules for that child to understand the reason those rules were established.

But after giving your child a reason and some rope, if he still won't learn - or if the results of the violation are too severe or painful to let them taste… then you have to manufacture some less painful consequences.

Say, I tell my 6 year-old not to play in the street, and he disobeys. I'm not going to sit back and wait for a car to blindside him… then say, “Well, that’ll teach him!”

No, when the consequences are too severe to let my child taste, then it’s up to me to manufacture less painful consequences. In the case of that 6 year-old, I’ll get him out of the street… then I’ll spank him myself. I’ll give him the rod! Parents, here are the three steps to good discipline. A reason. Some rope. A rod.

Now if you ask, "Sandy, do you really believe God wants us to spank our kids?" My answer is a very qualified “yes." And here are seven qualifications…

First, never spank a child in anger. Cool off before you apply the heat. Count to 10… Count to 10 again.

Second, make sure you spank for the right reasons. Don't spank a child for being childish - that is, spilling a glass of milk, or forgetting a chore… You only spank for a deliberate act of defiance or rebellion. A parent’s job is to curb their child’s rebellion, not crush their spirit.

Third, never spank a child on the face, arm, head, ears - that's cruelty, not discipline. Spank where God puts the extra padding. The rod is only for the rump.

Fourth, try to never spank your child with your hand. Use a neutral object - a belt, or wooden spoon. When the Bible talks of spanking it speaks of the “rod.” You want a child to fear the rod, but welcome your hands.

Fifth, be consistent. Don't just spank at halftime, or during commercials - when it’s convenient for you to do so. Discipline with diligence. Act when the need arises.

And sixth, always make sure your child understands why he's being spanked. Recall the biblical definition of training - it’s “to educate through discipline.”

Lastly, make sure the punishment fits the crime. It’s been said, “Don’t shoot a mosquito with a bazooka.” Reserve the rod for what deserves the rod. The pain inflicted should be in proportion to the act of defiance.

But if you meet all these qualifications, then absolutely, I believe God wants us to spank our kids.

The Bible is clear - Proverbs 22:15, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 13:24 goes as far as to say, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” A parent who really loves their kids will restrain them.

Once, a mom used a wooden board - a paddle - to spank her kids. It hung on the kitchen wall just below a plague. The plague read, “I Need Thee Every Hour.”

While growing up the kids never knew if the plague was referring to the Lord or the board… After they became parents they realized the answer was both!

But here’s a question, “What about teenagers? Do you spank a 16 year-old?” I suppose you could try… But here’s what I’ve notice about teenagers. By the time a kid turns 14 or 15 they've harden on both ends - the head and rump. The rod no longer creates the desired effect. It bounces off, rather than stings.

The rod may no longer be an appropriate tool, but remember the reason for the rod - it’s a substitute for the natural consequences of an act of defiance.

So, if you don't curb a child’s rebellion with a rod, you'd better find another substitute. A form of discipline that manufactures enough pain to be a deterrent. In the case of a 16 year old pulling the car keys or cell phone, might be more painful than the rod every was.

Thus, when it comes to training or disciplining your children take a three-pronged approach - give them a reason, give them some rope, then give them the rod. But along with the rod, don't forget the apple! As Paul puts it in verse 4, “the admonition of the Lord.”

I'm convinced we often spank a child for doing wrong because we haven't praised him enough for doing right. Some kids draw more attention by getting into trouble than they do by trying to do good.

Kids need the rod of correction, but they also need the nod of approval. They’ll have plenty of critics in life, they need me to be their cheerleader. When my kids spar against the world, I want them to know their mom and dad are in their corner. We’re on their team.

Notice Paul tells us in our text we’re to admonish our kids not just with simple encouragement, but with “the admonition of the Lord.” That takes it up a notch. God’s encouragement is inexhaustible.

He looks over us with pleasure, but to do so, He first overlooks so much… He refuses to be embarrassed by our failures. He’s determined and persistent not to let our sin sidetrack His love. Romans 8 is adamant, “(nothing can) separate us from the love of God…”

The apple God uses to motivate His kids is the sweetest tasting apple you’ll ever bite - and He wants us to extend it to our kids. Love them with God’s love.

I didn’t think I’d ever need to be reminded to love my kids… We had such lovable babies. They cooed and cuddled - and love just oozed out of their every pour…

But it didn’t take long for those same lovable kids to start turning up their nose, talking back, bucking our authority. By the time they’d become teenagers they’d embarrassed and disappointed us… even made ugly comments to my wife… even lost a few of my tools.

Your teenage kids are not as lovable as they once were - or as deserving of their parent’s love… but they don’t need it any less. Kids of all ages need a sweet tasting apple to go right next to the rod of correction.

In verse 4 of our text, the Greek word translated, "admonition" means "to direct a child's mind.” This is a vital role for a parent. God tells parents to steer their children's thinking in positive directions. It’s a parent’s responsibility to encourage his children to think about God - and help them dwell on spiritual themes.

In essence, the parent is the captain on the deck of the child’s thought life. A wise parent doesn’t do the thinking for his child… but he does control the rudder.

It’s amazing, we’ll be careful with a child’s feet and hands. We don’t let either wander off. But we’re not so diligent with their mind. It’s been said, “Open lots and open minds gather trash.” Aim your child’s mind in a positive direction and it’ll yield positive results.

Deuteronomy 6 taught the Hebrews how to convey spiritual values to their kids, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." In other words, you teach your kids while you live life with them.

As you walk with your kids through challenges, and trials, and disappointments, and triumphs you're looking for the teachable moment. As you live your faith, and apply spiritual values to practical issues, you share it with your kids - then all of life is a Bible study.

Read the Bible and pray with your kids, but do more than that - apply the Bible to everyday stuff. Your kids will see that Jesus is real, and Christianity is for today!

One Christmas a neighbor a few streets over had a nativity scene in his front yard. It was life-like - had a Joseph, Mary, the baby Jesus. My kids were attracted to it, especially Natalie. She was three at the time.

One night we were on our way home, and Nat wanted to go see baby Jesus. It was late and I wanted to get home. Zach explained to his sister that the baby was just plastic. But to Nat, that manger scene was so real. She just wanted to tell Jesus that she loved him.

When I tucked my daughter into bed she was still crying because she couldn't see baby Jesus… I’d just settled into my chair when God pricked my heart…

I walked into her room, scooped her up in a blanket, and drove her to that nativity. As we stood in that front yard, she and I talked about our love for Jesus. After that night, I tried to never miss a teachable moment.

I like the old Scottish proverb, "better felt than telt."

When it comes to transferring our faith to our kids - applying a spiritual lesson, or living a spiritual truth is always more effective than merely hearing a sermon.

In closing, a parent’s purpose is to teach their kids obedience and respect. And we have tools - “training” or discipline - and “admonition” or encouragement.

But maybe today the parents are the ones who need encouragement. One mother remarked, “I should’ve known anything that started with the word “labor” wasn’t going to be easy.” Parenting can take its toil.

It reminds me of the 11 year old girl on the streets of East Hampton, NY. She was heard screaming, “Daddy, daddy, please don’t sing, please don’t sing.” A child’s worst nightmare is to hear their dad sing in public.

Yet ironically, this little girl’s daddy was famous crooner, Billy Joel. He sings and makes millions happy.

But not his little girl, at least not yet. Which should give hope to us parents. Just as Billy Joel’s daughter didn’t appreciate her father’s singing, don’t expect your child to be grateful for your parenting, at least not yet. One day they’ll see it differently. They’ll say thanks! You’ll be their hero! In the meantime, you be faithful.